Working Through Infidelity in Couples’ Counseling

Infidelity and affairs are nothing new. In fact, these phenomena are as old as marriage itself.

When infidelity happens in a relationship, more often than not, the consequences are devastating. In many cases, the partner that has been cheated on will be filled with hurt, anger, rejection, confusion, sadness, and doubt.

Despite this, infidelity does not necessarily mean that a relationship is over. Where there is a will to mend things, there is a way to find peace once again.

The reality is that when a partner has an affair, many strong emotional reactions come up. However, this does not mean that a relationship is over. Our bonds are often stronger than we give them credit for, and even the damage caused by cheating can be healed.

For many, couples therapy is one of the best tools to help overcome the impact infidelity has had on a relationship.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one model that can be highly successful when used in couples counseling that aims to overcome the effects of infidelity.

What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, or EFT for couples?

EFT is a mode of therapy that focuses on emotions and attachment in relationships. EFT puts emotional connection at the heart of the counseling process. In couples therapy, EFT looks at the emotional and attachment needs of the couple. Often, many issues in relationships boil down to problems in emotional communication, which EFT attempts to overcome.

These aspects of EFT are fundamental because there can still be a strong bond and emotional connection in many relationships where infidelity has occurred. EFT-based couples therapy will focus on these connections to help rebuild things with a positive attitude.

This is done through honest sharing and communication facilitated by the counselor. One of the pillars of EFT is to commit to a safe environment for sharing emotions, which makes it ideal for even difficult topics such as cheating.

EFT is effective in helping couples improve their emotional connection and communication. It can reduce conflict, improve relationship satisfaction, and can be successful even in couples where individuals have emotional disorders.

Overcoming Infidelity with the Help of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

EFT can be a powerful tool when dealing with intense feelings, such as betrayal and sadness, that are common when there has been infidelity.

This type of counseling does not focus on the act of cheating but instead on the bonds and attachments that still exist in the couple. The idea is for the counselor to guide the couple into recognizing their underlying emotions for each other and exploring this connection more deeply.

The way EFT works in this context is by having the couple focus on their undeniable bonds of attachment. In this way, EFT can help to heal the injury that the infidelity has inflicted on the attachment bond (Schade & Sandberg, 2012)

Many studies have shown that EFT is an effective and evidence-based approach that works for couples therapy (Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). Researchers have shown that therapy can facilitate forgiveness, empathy, and commitment in situations where there has been infidelity (Fife et al., 2013).

At Summit, we offer couples in Northern Virginia, Arlington, and the DC area certified EFT-based couples counseling. We offer an impartial approach and advocate for your common goals in the relationship.

If you are interested in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in the Arlington and Northern Virginia area, we can help. At Summit Counseling, we offer EFT for couples. Contact us for a free consultation.

References

• Fife, S. T., Weeks, G. R., & Stellberg‐Filbert, J. (2013). Facilitating forgiveness in the treatment of infidelity: An interpersonal model. Journal of Family Therapy, 35(4), 343-367.

• Schade, L. C., & Sandberg, J. G. (2012). Healing the attachment injury of marital infidelity using emotionally focused couples therapy: A case illustration. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 40(5), 434-444.

• Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390-407.